Saturday, July 21, 2012

Chapter 14, Page 386

Midway through what I affectionately call the Lost Summer, I've come to a realization. The thing is, I can't share it - all I can do accept, internalize and move on.

After some time of transition, the dust has begun to clear and I stand at another crossroads. I don't know which direction I'll go nor where any of these dirt path leads. But, as I wrote a moment ago, I accept this. When my former life dissolved before my very eyes, I never saw some amazing, brilliant "tomorrow" around the corner. Not once.

A friend mentioned the other day, "Mikky, you need to get out of your comfort zone." Like learning a new instrument, I had no idea what he meant. Does that mean going to  more Yoga or switching to Scientology? I don't think so, nor could I relate to his suggestions. But it is one of the paths I can choose. Even a relative mentioned something I should try - it's a challenging and difficult idea, but it sounds intriguing nonetheless.

Being of a certain age, having taken inventory of my successes, failures and shortcomings in the past year, I see why many people have drifted away. Have you ever swallowed an aspirin without water and you have that pill stuck at the back of your throat? It's awkward, chalky and it just sits there bothering the sh** out of you. I've was doing that every day until I woke up and saw who I was, how I had become that person and why he wasn't very well liked. Then, it stopped.

That's enough for today - as this hot season wraps up and Autumn arrives anew within the next month, I've humbly learned where I stand with so many parts of my former life. I think it's time to take that new direction. Only I can give myself the OK to try.  I'll keep in touch.